Many couples go into couple counseling with the mindset that it is a guaranteed cure for all their problems. They invest all their hope for the relationship with an objective third party who is supposed to somehow turn things around for them one hour a week. Yet, many of them will continue on to a divorce. The good news is others will get exactly what they are seeking.
So, what makes the difference here? Why are some couples able to work through their issues and return to a happy marital state while others simply fall apart no matter what steps are taken?
Many people assume the difference is just in how complicated or hard the issues being dealt with are, but this is in fact untrue. Even the most severe problems have been resolved through therapy.
Ultimately, couples who do not make it never understand that they have to do more than just talk at one another during those sessions. Let's look at a few ways that you can make your own sessions work in your favor.
First, you have to be open to really listening to what your spouse has to say, even if it hurts. If you go into defensive mode and are just thinking about what to say to prove they are wrong, then you are not really listening. Stop thinking and just listen.
From your attitude it goes to your words. Speak honestly and tell your spouse your point of view, no matter what they may think or feel about it. Nothing can be worked out if the real issues are not brought to light, and no one can do that but you.
Third, you have to stop name calling and finger pointing and just get down to feelings. All the things you normally fight about are really just masks for larger underlying issues, and those issues are often emotionally based.
So, being honest without blaming and listening to your partner as they reveal their truth in the same way is the biggest hurdle that couples who make this work have to overcome. The next hurdle is taking the things you hear and turning them into real action. Both of you have to take action to make things better, as that is what ultimate fixes the problems you uncover.
For couple counseling to work in your favor you have to stop worrying about being right and protecting yourself and be vulnerable to the issues that are really hurting you. That is the only way.
So, what makes the difference here? Why are some couples able to work through their issues and return to a happy marital state while others simply fall apart no matter what steps are taken?
Many people assume the difference is just in how complicated or hard the issues being dealt with are, but this is in fact untrue. Even the most severe problems have been resolved through therapy.
Ultimately, couples who do not make it never understand that they have to do more than just talk at one another during those sessions. Let's look at a few ways that you can make your own sessions work in your favor.
First, you have to be open to really listening to what your spouse has to say, even if it hurts. If you go into defensive mode and are just thinking about what to say to prove they are wrong, then you are not really listening. Stop thinking and just listen.
From your attitude it goes to your words. Speak honestly and tell your spouse your point of view, no matter what they may think or feel about it. Nothing can be worked out if the real issues are not brought to light, and no one can do that but you.
Third, you have to stop name calling and finger pointing and just get down to feelings. All the things you normally fight about are really just masks for larger underlying issues, and those issues are often emotionally based.
So, being honest without blaming and listening to your partner as they reveal their truth in the same way is the biggest hurdle that couples who make this work have to overcome. The next hurdle is taking the things you hear and turning them into real action. Both of you have to take action to make things better, as that is what ultimate fixes the problems you uncover.
For couple counseling to work in your favor you have to stop worrying about being right and protecting yourself and be vulnerable to the issues that are really hurting you. That is the only way.
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